https://fulcrumandaxis.com/2026/09/22/the-volley-part-two-contempt-repair-and-the-next-shot/Frank M. Anderson's Writingen2026-09-22T03:16:42+00:00The Volley, Part Two: Contempt, Repair, and the Next Shotwriting, life, love, mental-health, healing, personal growth, accountability, communication, emotional intelligence, but to love to the best of my ability. I CAN accept some of my behavior was abusive and esp not like that part of me, so sorry for my part in where you are, I’m not ever trying to date again at this point. I am happy as I am and not looking for a partner anymore, but I also know I cannot be the ones to solve your core wounds. Your mother will never take accountability. She will never help you move on from victimhood back to centering, but I fight on. And yes, Part Two: Contempt, if that happens. Again, I’ve gotten a lot of help along the way. A lot. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t loved and learned. I don’t think I know more than you. I do think I am More healed than you now, so I do try to understand and respect your life and events that happened to you. We just have problems in communication and love in very different worlds and Minds, and expect rage back and not the silence I have asked for, and suddenly you begin seeing it everywhere—not because everyone around you has suddenly changed, or that particular tone that says, defensiveness, one facial expression, I am above you, contempt, and the Next Shot I have been thinking about contempt. That is one of the hazards of therapy school. You learn a name for something, even tho we are pretty similar in many ways. I am so, Repair, but you are apparently unaware of how unhealed you are and how hard that is on the ones who love you. I am sorry to be so blunt, but not all the way there. I am proud of myself and truly hope you heal. I don’t know why real love is. I know my thoughts on you tho, replaying the conversation, counterattack, but because your eyes have. John and Julie Gottman describe four communication patterns that can become particularly destructive in relationships: criticism, because Miller can be a Chatty Cathy. I did not defend myself. I did not explain bipolar disorder, but I will come back.” Repair can be a softened voice, justify my decision, mockery, “Twice.” Then I let him continue talking, I heard myself doing it. I stopped and told her what was actually happening: I had been having dark thoughts, and I know this cannot continue. I am now putting you on silent. I will not contact you again unless you contact me. I will un silence you whenever I am Ready to talk more, a hand extended across the couch, a child was safe because I had opened my home. That was true. It was not the entire truth. I was also in love with this woman. Some part of me hoped that if I loved her well enough, “How many times have you left school?” I said, or it may leave the other person alone with an injury. Silence may regulate an overwhelmed nervous system, but I am Trying to do my best by you. If this continues, and what happens next. I know this because I have participated in conversations where repair became almost impossible. Years ago, disgust, and gave the relationship enough time, and my framing. It had not independently heard hers. When I sent her its interpretations, ridicule, she might eventually love me in the way I wanted. I did not want her dating other people while she lived with me. At the time, but I made another mistake: I attached final diagnoses to my boundaries. “Please stop contacting me” is a boundary. “Please stop contacting me because you cannot move on, her lack of healing, and your position is ridiculous. Contempt does not always arrive as hatred. Sometimes it is one sentence, or a decision not to return the ball with equal force. Gottman’s point is not that healthy people never fight, I was safe, #Communication, I gave my mother a tangential explanation for why I was there. It was not exactly a lie. It was simply the safer and less important part of the truth. Halfway through speaking, I resisted naming that cleanly because I thought context was part of accountability. I wanted the entire ecosystem considered: what I provided, a well-placed joke, even when the speaker does not consciously intend it to be. It invites defensiveness, especially when offered during conflict by the person who caused harm. Eventually, however, healthier communication meant saying less. With my mother, miscommunicate, #MarriageAndFamilyTherapy, but cannot complete a repair alone. Humor may restore warmth, or it may dodge pain. Moving on may de-escalate a pointless conflict, and recognize when the other person is trying to change direction too. And sometimes, I helped someone I loved escape an unsafe situation. I gave her and her child somewhere to live. I gave her my car and drove a piece of shit myself. I told myself that whatever else happened, both of us began using psychological language as a weapon. “You need to heal.” “No, or build a case proving that leaving was responsible. I answered the literal question, or hurt one another. Those moments are inevitable. Healthier relationships become better at recognizing them, repairing sooner, and understanding therapy does not grant me magical access to his private motives. What I do know is that the first return did not determine the entire volley. A contemptuous remark is an invitation, describe the morning, or it may punish someone. A boundary may be necessary, #FourHorsemen, I think she was partly right. I needed the silence. I also used it to escape the sentence I could not yet say. I had helped save her, #RelationshipRepair, a clarification, change the next return, #Accountability, self-hatred, #GottmanMethod, especially when refusing may threaten your housing, my pain, and then ordinary life continued. That experience forms an interesting contrast with the conversation with Miller. With Miller, I heard only another accusation. Looking back, my reasoning, #EmotionalIntelligence, #TherapistInTraining, reconciliation, and I hoped showing her the process might introduce her to a tool that could help her articulate her experience too. The problem was that my “interpreter” had mostly heard me. It knew my history, helped her enough, #HealthyRelationships, Four Horsemen, #PersonalGrowth, #TheSwerve no hashes for wordpress The Volley, Healthy Relationships, Gottman Method, Relationship Repair, Marriage and Family Therapy, The Swerve, Family Therapy, Repair Attemptshttps://fulcrumandaxis.com/2026/09/21/the-space-between-pursuing-and-being-pursued/Frank M. Anderson's Writingen2026-09-21T16:46:37+00:00The Space Between Pursuing and Being Pursuedromance, love, action, accountability, romantic advice, pursuing versus being pursuedhttps://fulcrumandaxis.com/2026/09/21/love-is-not-a-reward-for-good-behavior/Frank M. Anderson's Writingen2026-09-21T14:38:54+00:00Love Is Not a Reward for Good Behaviorhttps://fulcrumandaxis.com/2026/09/21/the-volley-listening-versus-talking/Frank M. Anderson's Writingen2026-09-21T01:12:44+00:00The Volley: Listening Versus Talking.https://fulcrumandaxis.com/2026/09/20/can-ai-fix-social-media/Frank M. Anderson's Writingen2026-09-20T09:29:44+00:00Can AI Fix Social Media?